I send him an email with the subject line: "screenings, girls"
He writes back vaguely about our respective screening calendars which I am trying to sync. Then more directly he asks, "What's this about girls?"
We don't sign off our emails, or always greet each other.
It would, I know he'd say, be unnecessary.
Nobody wants to be unnecessary.
I am smarter than to have to write out who I am speaking to, or who I am as the speaker.
He and I are personal with each other.
I don't use his name as his friend.
I didn't mention the girls when I first wrote to him about screenings. I just labeled it as part of my subject. I respond by telling him about the girls I want to introduce him to, him recently single. Singled. He chooses one and says he'd be happy to meet her "when the stars align."
We do not discuss each other for each other.
We are Sender and Receiver, To and From.
There is no subject, only "screenings, girls."
What if the subjects of our emails were renamed as objects? Or if every time you left a subject field blank it auto-populated from "no subject" to "about me."
How beautiful that a text message has no subject nor object, only participants.
A text message can be deleted but is irretrievable after the incident.
Whole conversations turn to trash. Subjects are not lost nor deleted if they never existed, whether an object or "about me."
If you send a text message to your own number, the participant of your conversation is "Me." Anything you send Me is sent back to you by Me.
I text myself and lol that it happens.
I am in public.
What is the point of this function?
I delete the conversation with Me.
No subject was lost.
I think of myself as a single entity, the first person singular, how in the present tense or past tense or future or imperative I am still the singular. I am first and single. Texting myself does not duplicate myself or make Me real. If I could send a message to Me and receive a reaction, question, or emotion in response, I would probably remain in the first person singular for a long time. But instead I send messages to second and third parties who do nothing to change the status of the speaker.
The speaker will always be the first person.
I think of how I sent a text message to a dead person.
I wrote to him, "Hi."
I wrote his name, as his friend.
I wrote to him, "I am thinking of you."
"I wish this wasn't so random."
"I'm so sorry."
"I miss you so much now that you're gone."
I did not sign my name.
Immediately after sending the message I regretted sending anything at all.
To where? To whom?
I did not want to see the ellipsis of "typing" pop up on the screen, push the blue box of my words in a gentle nudge of motion graphics.
No ellipsis appeared.
I sent him a text message 19 hours after he had died, 12 hours after I had found out in an email.
I did not delete, move, or archive the email. It is there in my 9 inboxes. It is in All Inboxes. It is there as in the present tense fixed, it is an artifact of its timestamp of arrival, the past presently fixed.
We have the same area code.
From the same area or we are or we were?
My text message was sent to him by Me but it would not have said that.
I wonder what it said on the phone. Did he use banners? Which alert sound?
The message had no subject.
The message was never delivered.
I waited a week before deleting the conversation.
I wonder if anyone might have received my message for him.
I wonder if they would have deleted it.
"Who is this?"
Me, but it wouldn't have been.
I am thinking of the people I speak to, who speak to me too, in voices or writing.
I am thinking of how these people are not speakers, but accomplices: that I am still the first person singular and they each remind me. Even a message that is never received is sent in the singular.
What is the nomenclature of prior to first?
What is the quantity of less than singular?