I receive an email asking to do a video on women's rights. It would be for women by women. It would be performed by pussy.
I am asked to host. Is this okay?
The script is brief and involves another era. There are only women. There may be a dance number. I don't like the idea of what is a grown-up single-sex slumber party akin to what an 8-year-old girl and her friends might envision as their futures. I have never really liked the idea of a world without men.
There was a childhood imagery of young love from glossy magazine spreads, dazzlingly beautiful and breathtakingly bizarre both in bodies and fabrics, both the faces and the patterns. Fashion is a projection of what one wants to become virtually. And young girls want to become everything they don't know yet: lovers, partners, muses, women. Give a girl a fashion magazine and she will give you a list of desires, the kind that would bring happiness, the kind of happiness that does not mean anything other than envy from others and praise from others and succeeding to be the others' desire.
Is happiness an energy that is measured by Caloric value?
I think of the slogans that have become our daily periphery for the past few months. A woman's place is in the resistance, I see everywhere. I had seen it at the Women's March and I have seen it in shop windows and I have seen it on cards and shirts and websites.
But I disagree.
In fact, I am offended.
I know what this line means for us: that we women will resist oppression and unfair patriarchal rulings and inequality among genders in the home and workplace. I know this line is meant to invoke a powerful sense of pride and strength in women, for her to stand up for herself when feeling wrongly put down, to defend herself when being a woman is used as a reason against her.
But I do not like to be told where my place is, because of being a woman or otherwise. I do not want to be told my place is in the resistance, because that implies that my place is a defense against an oppression which is to be expected. If my place is in the resistance, when does the oppression end?
Stay outraged reads another sign. I grow nervous with the assumption that anger does not dissolve. To be angry is to be dissatisfied, to not have needs met so that in response you are rendered off-course. To be angry does not imply that you will resolve the issue. To be angry is a reaction but it is not a response. There is no action. It is wood in the fireplace before you strike a match.
The future is female reads a shirt, a bag, a poster, a sticker, another crowd of signs. But I read them all and feel disheartened. Because I am female and I am here right now. Why look towards "the future" when I am in the present. I will not overlook myself in the hopes of something else.
I exist here in the now.
I am present, I am the present.
I am the gift that will become the future - and then, the past.